Because it's been on my mind...

Originally, this post started as several conversations/posts that I had on Facebook.  I wanted to expand it a bit, and felt it deserved to be here.

Okay, so yesterday I mentioned feeling like Prince  in Purple Rain, when he was tripping about if he should play the song Purple Rain...it's like you know you have something unique and special-you doubt anyone will get it, but you're faced with a choice of do you keep trying to make it work, or do you just face that it may be you that's crazy, or even way wrong, and you should just do something else. What I meant is...when I play, I don't just play for the sake of partying-but I play to tell a story. Each song is a detail, a section of explanation as to who I am and what I'm about. I play with lots of emotion and it not only gets displayed in what you hear, but what you see from me on stage. I only play because I believe in every note, every melody and song.  Sometimes I feel that people won't really ever understand that, whether is be my peers or the people in attendance at the club where I'm playing.

Being a dj was always more than just the music.  Even the money wasn't really important...for me it was always about the chance to express myself.  Kind of like when kids used to make tapes to give to their bf/gf to tell them how they felt.  They would gather up all the love songs, or heartbreak songs, or happiness or how everyone used to listen to Sade when they felt bad.  For me, being able to place the songs together...remixing, mingling, mixing & matching...that was why I jumped in with both feet.  I haven't changed since day one, but the world around me has...or that's how it feels.

As a dj, I understand the value of what I do.  I know that we bring music to the party-period, end of story.  But for me that's not where it ends, it's where it starts.  I've noticed that in this modern society, money and status are huge contributors to the state of play when it comes to djing.  It's become less about musical expression and more about imagery & bravado...kind of like the current state of mainstream hip hop.  The reason why I even started this talk online was to air out feelings that I had about my chosen profession, and I felt was the ever growing limitation on what I could do with it (in terms of social acceptance).  The feelings that I have been dealing with are basically just feeling like I'm in a world that I don't belong when it comes to doing what I've loved to do for so long.

I've never been a conformist by any means.  I will jump on the wagon of advancement, but doing what everyone else does because I think that's what I'm supposed to do isn't going to happen.  Unfortunately, with being a dj, either you have to find a way to stay ahead of everyone around you, do what everyone else does, or risk life and limb and try to think outside the box.  Now I say life and limb on the latter because these days it's a huge risk to be different and unique.  Either you are spot on and you shoot ahead of everyone else into stardom, or you spiral off into the abyss known as independent thought, and become an outcast of sorts.

Now, I'm not a hater...or at least I try not to be.  I try not to think about my peers who make a ton of money doing what I do and who don't do it half as well as I do.  I try not to get caught up in looking at them and thinking, why isn't that me...but I'm human.  So human that while I try my best to feel good for them, I can't help but to look at my bills and outdated equipment and bus pass and turn green every time I see their names on a flyer, or online event invitation.  I often find myself thinking "why isn't that me?  I'm that good...aren't I?  My last show was dope...they saw that.  How come no ones calling me to book me for another show?".  It's at times like those where the first thing I said becomes the hardest thing to remember..."it's like you know you have something unique and special-you doubt anyone will get it, but you're faced with a choice of do you keep trying to make it work, or do you just face that it may be you that's crazy, or even way wrong, and you should just do something else".

I guess for what it's worth, all of it forces me to constantly think and rethink what it is that I've chosen to do with my life, and in it's own way it's healthy.  More to come on this subject later.

-Mr. DJ